Tomorrow will be the start of a good week.
for change,

To Do:
9:30-11 = Gym
Science Quiz study
Clean room&Bathroom
laundry
Math homework
2 sit up 3min reps
Mondays outfit
Re-Paint nails
destroy the brownies, be creative
get umbrella
drink at aleast 8 glasses of water
stay under 400 cals


heres for a better tomorrow.

lets see if this works.

im going to start to think of audry hepburn whenever im hungry
or want gross oily fries
or want to stuff my face
and think. well would she look like a pig and do that?
do i want to be glamorous and beautiful and thin as she is?
yes.yes.yes
ill just remind myself of that
that is all
goodnight.

hey. so its thanksgiving tomorrow (since i live in Canada)
sooooo. its time to burn asap.
it is sunday evening the 4th of October
i am at 113lbs
i want to be @ at least 110 by sunday the 11th

monday- P.e class, swimming at 6:30+'Day 'n Night' workout
tuesday- Fitness class,& dance class
wednesday- yoga& p.e class+'Day 'n Night' workout
thursday-Dance class + workout list + 'Day 'n Night' workout
Friday-Swimming + maybe skating
Saturday - skate and maybe swim+'Day 'n Night' workout

+ everyday at least 20 mins of Wii Fit
+ at least 30 mins of homework/studying a day
+ watching Americas Next Top Model, Flashforward & Greys Anatomy
+ work on thursday
+ only naural foods

this should keep me busy.
wish me luck

i told myself i would sleep.
i should be sleeping
but HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO SLEEP AFTER THAT BINGE.
i was doing good. 1 pound till my lowest again.
but NO i came home from school (where i was at my half way of my daily cal intake), to eat the apple i had be thinking about all day.
right as i walk into the kitchen i smell it
my mother made fucking cookies,
now these cookies are not just cookies, they are coconut milk chocolate chip cookies
F_U_C_K
well i was proud because i had work in 15 mins so i " didnt have time to have any"
and when i got home from work for dinner i made myself a 65 calorie salad. but then the cookies were sitting out
and i reached for it and had some. shitshitshit
i ended up having 6 or 7 over the course of tonight
im such a fucking pig. jesus.
tomorrow im going to work my ass off in dance.
im pretty sure it is ab day so thats good.
ill update again

-xxoo

im such a fucking failure,
i ust spent the last 48 hours stuffing my face.
gaining about 4.5 pounds.
and before this bing-o-rama i was at my all time low weight.
and one pound away from my all time goal
FUCK
so. i am going to make a fool-proof plan
stick to it. and become beautiful.

I AM -
[x] anorexic
[] binge eating
[] bulimic (bulimic tendancies)
[] living off diet pills
[x] hungry
[] thirsty
[] drinking something
[] Under 100lbs
[x] starving yourself
[] participating in a fast
[] binging

PEOPLE -
[] ask if I’m bulimic
[] call me fat
[x] say I’m skinny
[x] say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[] spread rumors about me
[x] force me to eat
[] say I eat too much
[x] wish I’d eat more
[x] don't know I'm anorexic/bulimic

I WISH -
[x] I was THIN
[x] I had a better body
[x] I didn't have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[x] I was under 100lbs
[x] I could avoid food
[x] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was pretty
[x] I could stop having an eating disorder

I LOVE -
[x] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference when fasting
[] shaking
[] being weak
[x] losing weight
[] being anorexic/bulimic
[x] green tea
[] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself

APPEARANCE
[] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[] I have many scars.
[x] I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair were a different color.
[] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[x] I have/had braces.
[] I wear glasses.
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[] I have more than 2 piercings.
[] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[] I have freckles.

FAMILY
[x] I've sworn at my parents.
[x] I've run away from home.
[] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[] I want to have kids someday.
[] I've had children.
[] I've lost a child.

EMBARRASSMENT
[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[] Disney movies still make me cry.
[] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something
[x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[x] I've had my trousers rip in public.

RELATIONSHIPS
[x] I'm single
[] I'm in a relationship.
[] I'm engaged.
[] I'm married.
[] I've gone on a blind date.
[] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[] I have a fear of abandonment.
[x] I've cheated in a relationship.
[] I've gotten divorced
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[] I've kept something from a past relationship.

SEXUALITY
[x] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[x] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[x] I've been kissed in the rain.
[] I've hugged a stranger.
[] I have kissed a stranger.

HONESTY
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[x] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[x] I've been suspended from school.

BAD TIMES
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[] I regularly drink.
[] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[x] I shut others out when I'm upset.
[] I take anti-depressants.
[x] I'm anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[x] I'm addicted to self harm.
[x] I've woken up crying
[x] I've lost weight
[x] I've gained weight
[x] My weight holds me back
[x] Weight consumes me.
[] I'm at my thinnest
[] I'm at my biggest
[x] I've lost weight and kept it off
[] I've lost weight but gained it back
[x] My weight affects my mood
[x] I weigh myself daily
[x] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me
[x] I thrive on compliments
[x] I feel bigger than people who are my size
[x] I feel happy when I'm hungry
[x] I get depressed after I eat
[x] I've skipped a meal
[x] I've thrown food away
[x] I've spit food out
[x] I've fasted
[x] I've taken diet pills
[] I've used laxatives
[] I've purged

HAVE/HAD
[] Bulimia
[x] Anorexia
[x] Ednos
[] Orthorexia
[] Over-exercising
[] Binge eating

[x] I exercise
[x] I exercise so I can eat
[x] I work out secretly
[x] I work out daily
[x] I exercise to counteract eating
[x] I've fainted from exhaustion

I've done:
[x] Weed
[x] Cigarettes
[x] Alcohol
[x] Diet pills
[x] Pain killers
[] Anti-depressants
[] Ecstasy
[] LSD
[] Mushrooms
[] Speed
[] Cocaine
[] Other

[x] I keep my eating habits a secret
[] I have a ED blog
[x] I look at thinspo
[x] I collect thinspo
[] I condone pro-ana/mia sites

[x] I count calories
[x] I've had negative intake days
[x] I avoid food
[x] I hate food
[x] I love food
[] I want to be this way
[x] I don't want to be like this
[x] I wish I could have more control
[x] Being thin is my top priority
[] I don't want to get better
[] I am in treatment (outpatient/inpatient, willingly, or unwillingly)

[x] I'm doing this for me
[x] I'm doing this for someone
[x] I'm doing this to prove myself

hey so i just wanted to do a introduction of me.

1.Name: Christina
2.Height: 5' 8
3.Current weight: 127
4.Highest weight: 132
5.Lowest weight: 113
6.Goal weight: 118
7.Gender: Female
8.Date of birth: 9-17-94
9.Eating disorder: Anorexia
10.Self diagnosed or Doctor: Self and my Phyc is onto me.
11.History of ED [REQUIRED]: Since about 11 i had a lot trouble with body image.
then my aunt was sent to  the hospital for anorexia. but the thing was i thought she was gorgeous. then a girl in my class last year was hospitalized as well, and this year another one. and i thought both of them were perfect! so i began to eat less and less. its become more of a habit really. but i strive to look and feel like the beautiful women in the photos
12.Additional information [optional]: I don't know if I want help or not. because i want to be thin SO bad. i don't have anyone to talk to it about it because i'm only 14 and i'm embarrassed about it. i live in Canada